Confidence is available for everybody to have.
It’s free, it’s unlimited, and you are welcome to have it whenever you want.
Why don’t we all have it, then?
For some, it comes naturally. For others, it is a struggle. For others still, we’re good at faking it, but we aren’t truly confident on the inside, even if it might look like it.
And since every person on this planet is different, the uniqueness of each individual, their circumstances, environment, upbringing and lifestyle directly affects the “confidence factor”.
But the coolest part is that with a little work, a little trust and a lot of patience, you can directly impact your confidence through your own mindset shifts.
One of the reasons I think we struggle with obtaining confidence in general is because judgement exists.
If comparison is the thief of joy, then judgement is the thief of confidence.
Have you ever silently judged someone, however confident they seem, who is wearing pyjama pants and a sock/sandal combo at Wal-Mart? Maybe that’s because you connect your own value to appearance, and so going somewhere in public without appearing to be “properly dressed” isn’t something you’d do? Isn’t how you were raised?
I’m not an expert at judgment, but I’d venture a guess that as a woman, it is highly likely that you’ve seen another woman somewhere, at some time, and made a snap judgement about her decisions without thinking. Unfairly.
Maybe, in your opinion, her makeup is “too much”.
Maybe, in your opinion, her clothing choices are questionable.
Maybe, in your opinion, her parenting techniques are too firm (or, not firm enough).
This could be because it doesn’t fit into the “norm” and doesn’t look like the images we’re bombarded with from the media at all times. So our first instinct is to think “hmm, that’s different from what I’ve learned. It must be weird. I don’t like it.”
This also pertains to the fact that we are so guilty of looking at ourselves and making silly judgements; about our bodies, our looks, our skills. We see photoshopped models in product advertisements, we subconsciously see something we don’t perfectly relate to, and we think there’s something wrong with us.
We see (what seems like) everybody else living amazing, luxurious, happy, problem-free lives through social media, and we think our lives must be terrible in comparison because we have highs, lows, middles, and screaming tantrum-toddlers, or swearing, puberty-laden, hormonal teenagers, and we feel like we’re doing a shit job. (AND our belly jiggles. F*ck!)
We think it’s abnormal to have stretch marks, or freckles, or to not look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our underwear or bathing suit. We think it’s normal to have flawless, imperfection-free skin, or perfectly blow-dried hair.
And then we think we don’t measure up, feeding our lack confidence, in ourselves and our bodies.
So how do we get confidence? Because, unfortunately, you can’t just buy it. Rich people are capable of feeling a lack of confidence, too.
How do we build it, strengthen it, grow and maintain it?
We start releasing judgement, about ourselves and about others.
We start accepting ourselves, and our sisters, for exactly who we are, RIGHT NOW.
We acknowledge that my body is different from your body is different from LITERALLY EVERY OTHER BODY ON EARTH… and it’s beautiful and healthy and normal. Healthy looks different on every body.
We start doing kind things for our precious bodies, like consuming nourishing whole foods, hydrating well and getting daily exercise.
We build our self care strategy, and give ourselves a few minutes a day to do what fuels our souls: reading, journalling, meditating, yoga, knitting, dancing, listening to a podcast, connecting with a friend, cooking, singing, crafting, etc.
We prioritize sharing our time and our thoughts with those we care about most, growing real relationships, built on a foundation of love that exists no matter what you look like; investing in real-life social interaction, connection, laughter, and building memories. Those things are worth more than any other gift you could give.
And we work on the realization that, in the grand scheme of things, what our bodies “look like” is merely a speck in the universe of our lives. It’s something so minor, that receives so much attention. It’s something so minuscule, and yet entire companies and products and brands are dedicated to helping us “improve” our appearance. (How that affects your brain is not minuscule, though. “You should improve your fine lines and wrinkles! Buy this cream!” sends a message that fine lines and wrinkles must be banished; how DARE you let your face begin to show its age!)
It’s something that means little in the way of what we have to contribute as a person, yet it’s probably the thing we spend the most time on before we go anywhere.
You are worth SO much more than just how you appear physically.
As a mom, a woman, a human – you are entitled to want to improve yourself, anytime you want. Sure you are! I am not unsupportive of anybody who wants to self improve. There is space for that, anytime.
And if losing weight, or putting on foundation, or wearing fancy shoes makes YOU feel better, happier, more confident – then DO IT!
But to truly be happy with yourself, to build confidence and start feeling like you’re #momfidentAF in all areas of your life – start working on how confident you are when you’re stripped down, without any clothes, without any make up, and without any judgements… from yourself or anybody else.
You are valuable without all that “stuff”. You are worthy. You are creative, talented, and capable of great things.
(Just make sure you aren’t going to, like, a job interview in your “stripped down” state. Time, meet place.)
A friend of mine (@MonWinnFitness) recently shared something that really resonated with me, as it relates to confidence and raising daughters. She says:
“To my daughter I will say: see your beauty without a compliment or a mirror.”
So much yes.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m not an expert. I’m just passionate about finding ways to build my own confidence, and sharing how I find success.
I’m on my own #momfident journey, just like you.
And I’d love to hear how YOU strike a balance, too.
(P.S. did you think I was going to give you some tips for standing around nude?
Maybe next time.
*Title image courtesy of pexels.com